Humanity’s biggest flaw…feelings

When does it start? Is there really a time? A single moment that defines all of your action and emotions…huh I don’t buy it. But if I really had to pick one it would be the first time he held the door. Wow! What a cliché! WARNING! TO ALL MALES OUT THERE! DON’T HOLD THE DOOR FOR A GIRL OR SHE’LL TAKE IT AS A ROMANTIC GESTURE. The thing is, I probably wouldn’t have given him the time of day if my friend hadn’t brought him to my attention. Actually, I brought him to her attention ugh it’s complicated. I was going to this new school and my bestie from middle school asked me “So I’ve heard there are a lot of cute guys in private schools. Who’s cute in your grade?” Before then, I didn’t even know I thought of this guy as attractive. He wasn’t exactly “popular” with the ladies…he only got their attention when they were laughing at him.

Well anyway, I was carrying my books close to my chest well because how else was I going to carry eight notebooks, a pencil-case, color pencils, a sketch book, a history textbook as thick as all the twilight books combine, a glasses case, planner, my reading book and the little dignity I had in my backpack? It was during the beginning of the year and I was the new kid so I walked with my head down all the time. Yeah I know it’s pathetic, don’t judge. I was in a hurry to get to my class. I didn’t have a reason but sitting at a desk seem more comforting to me than lingering in the hallways and…socializing…ugh. As I walked through the hall thinking Okay all I have left is History and English…sounds easier said than done, that’s when it happened.

Finally! The big reveal of this exaggerated story. He was waiting for his friend to come out of a teacher’s office. Holding the door with a smirk on his face as he listened to his friend humor his teacher, his hand touched the top of the doorway. I couldn’t touch the top of doorway if jumped. You see, I’m a small girl…like really small. I mean it’s not my fault but I am. A full 5 ½ feet. 5 ½ feet of pure hormonal, vulnerable and stupidly timid teenager. Relaxed as hell, he easily held the door as I came up to it.  For the first time in what seem like forever, but in reality was like ten minutes, I raised my head and look at him…but in terror. My brain went ALERT! ALERT! HUMAN INFRACTION! AWKWARD ENCOUNTER TWELVE O’CLOCK! My eye filled with terror. What was I supposed to do? Wait for him to go through the door? No was waiting for someone. Wait for his friend to go through the door? No I have to go to class. Open the other door? No that’s rude, it would seem like I’m avoiding him which I wasn’t… I was avoiding everyone. In the split second that my brain exploded from my own thoughts he read my expression and gave me a little smile with a small hand gesture. Waving his arms from the inside of this building to the outside he answered my prayers. With his gracious permission, I walked through the doorway under his arms.

I know it isn’t much but it happened TWICE. And you got to understand I’m a freshman. That was the closest I’ve been to a guy that wasn’t related to me or a psycho, well my whole family also counts as crazy. At that moment I felt something, something I have always cowered away from. If all that bogus stuff was true, I guess this was that defining moment. The day I knew I had feelings for…my doorman.


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