History repeats itself…great…

So yesterday I went to a party. Yeah I know this freak got invited to a party? Well I did so lump it! Anyway, the party was so much fun! It was a pool party so we swam a lot and we eat food. It was great, but parties come with conversation. I mean I’m not that bad of a conservationist, but it isn’t my forte. I have grown from avoiding conversation to actually longing for it, but last night I heard some bad news. One of my friends told a group of guys about the guy I like. I honestly probably wouldn’t have told this person who I like in the first place, but time and circumstance caused it to come out. It’s not like I don’t like this kid it’s just harder for me to tell a boy that I like someone. I don’t know maybe it’s just me, but whatever. Apparently he told three other people…THREE! The worst part is that most of the kids he told are close to the kid I like. My life is over.

Now that I think about it, was it actually bad that there is a change that the kid I like might know I like him? Isn’t it about time? A good number of people already know, why doesn’t he…or does he? I have thought about telling him before but I kept making up things in my head that made me reconsider. You see, I’m permanently scared. When I was in third grade I like this boy. It wasn’t a little baby crush; it was my first REAL crush. I sort of liked him for 1…2…4 years. Don’t worry I’m not a stalker or crazy…I think. Well I ended up telling one of my friends. This “friend” told the boy I liked that I liked him. Talk about betrayal. Ever heard of girl code? All of this worked out in the boy’s favor. He used it as a latter to boost his popularity. He told everyone; we were eight and when someone liked you it was a big deal. Not only did he tell everyone, but he publicly rejected me. It hurt. But I honestly think I was stronger back then because I just brushed him off and held my head high. I don’t think I could do that now. Unfortunately, I see history repeating itself. My biggest fear is being publicly rejected…again. I just hope the guy I like isn’t as petty as the guy I used to like.

It was kind of awkward after that because the boys started asking me who I thought was attractive in my grade. I’m usually cool with that type of stuff because I’m the type of person to answer a question no matter what question it is. When I first hear what my friend did, besides hitting him with a shoe, I felt bad for one of the kids he told. For a while I thought that this boy liked me and people thought I liked him or that we at least looked good together. To be fair, I sort of led him on. I wanted to be friends with him because I thought he was cool, but he was just so distant that I thought if I was open with him he would open up with me too. It turns out he likes some other girl in our grade, but I was asked if I thought he was attractive and I said yes. It’s true, it’s just I don’t like him like that. I get really shy when I like someone, but I’m too comfortable with him to like him. Well anyway, this kid asked me “What do you mean by attractive?”. Does it really matter. I just gave him some lame answer like “I don’t know…attractive.”

Later in the night, I couldn’t take it. I had to know. Does he like me? I asked him and he totally avoided the question. ARE YOU SERIOUS? WHY CAN’T YOU JUST SAY YES OR NO? I know it’s possible to like more than one person, does he? Am I one of them? It doesn’t really matter but you just want to know about this kind of stuff. Last time I thought a guy like me I bugged him until he told me the truth…and he did. Is history repeating itself again or am I just making a big deal about nothing. I do that. But what if I am on to something?

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